There is a mysterious beeping coming from the wall in my office, and I’ve been alone for just long enough that I’ve begun to suspect that this beeping is something sinister. I’ve come up with a few viable possibilities.
- A small, deranged person has hidden themself in the space between my wall and the office next to me. I say they must be deranged because it takes a conviction only the insane can muster to carve your way vertically through brick for three floors. A sane person would obviously stop at the second story and reconsider their life up to that point.
- The singularity happened and nobody told me and a few robots are having a heated debate about the relative merits of killing all humans. Am I to be their first victim or will they just tell me where all the good movie streaming sites are.
- The rare beeping canary has perched on the windowsill in the office next door and is loudly announcing its relentless fertility to any nearby birds of the same species; much like the noble frat boy digitally broadcasting his mating call, a concert of beeps from the bird and “you up” texts from the boy.
These are the only possible explanations for the ambiguous beeping coming from next door. It couldn’t possibly be anything else. It couldn’t be that my neighbor has a loud phone and apparently doesn’t feel like answering it or putting it on vibrate. No, deranged wall-dwellers, robots, and fucking birds are much more probable than my neighbor being a self-involved garbage-person with a vague-at-best awareness of how loud their phone is. Nobody could be that unaware of their surroundings, that socially and professionally negligent, so we’re going to just go with the bird explanation.