I’m not doing so great. I feel sick, but I don’t think I actually am. I feel tired, but I definitely managed to sleep. I have a scratch on my face, but my cat did that because I took too long to wake up and feed her.
A great thing that has come from writing more openly about mental illness and how I’m a consistently depressed and anxious little bean is that other people have also told me they can relate, that we aren’t alone in our mutual issues. So, that being said, I just have a question that has been on my mind a lot this week.
Does anybody else react to stress and seemingly terrifying situations with a sort of emotional paralysis. I’ve been putting myself in a lot of situations that don’t exactly help my anxiety, and after a few days of those things constantly being on my mind, I’m finding it laughably difficult to stand up, stretch my legs because they’re numb from sitting on the side of the bath, and keep working. I’m emotionally exhausted, but there is still some more to do.
A problem posed by the stigma against talking about mental health is that everyone suffers alone. How can we realize that so many of our peers are depressed and anxious too if nobody feels like it’s ok to talk about it. To that effect, I’m trying to talk about it because I spent way too time feeling like I was weird and broken because depression had pushed out a lot of my personality to make room for hating the personality I didn’t have anymore.
It was, to summarize years of self-loathing and confusion, pretty tiring. So, rather than just silently wondering if this time I’m uniquely messed up by my own cocktail of bad experiences. I wanted to ask. Does anybody else see a hard conversation on the horizon and just… stay where they are and wait for the opportunity to fade so it’s not completely your fault you didn’t take it?
This bathroom has seen some emotional shit.