I’ve come to expect a certain level of disaster every time I look in the mirror. I’m used to it, either wild frizzy hair, hunched shitty posture, or the hollow, tired expression of someone who has seen all their friends pulled out to sea and eaten by some horror of the deep ocean. I’ve come to identify with a certain level of visible exhaustion, like a brand. There are people I’ve become decent friends with who have never seen me well rested. There are people I’ve known for years, been to their homes, petted their cats, and shared hangovers with, and they’ve never seen me fully awake and genuinely happy.
If I met someone right now, they would have an idea of me that would be sadly impermanent and uniquely genuine. It is weird not to be tired overwhelmed, or nervous.
It’s strange to be separated from negative feelings I’ve come to feel like are a permanent part of my personality. It’s like suddenly realizing I’m allowed to cook using ingredients I want instead of having to add orange peel and frog’s breath to everything I make.
It’s also strange knowing this absolutely isn’t permanent. Like when you’re feeling awful and exhausted and broken and people say things like “this will pass,” or “you’re going to pull through,” it’s also true for when you’re weirdly happy. It’ll pass.
I’m not tired. I’m not overwhelmed by work. I finally have a window in which it’s ok for me to sleep in and eat a slow breakfast. I know that won’t last forever. I know the bruised circles will wrap around my eyes again soon and I’ll miss this light feeling of energy, but I like it while it’s here.
“…the hollow, tired expression of someone who has seen all their friends pulled out to sea and eaten by some horror of the deep ocean”
Ishmael? Is that you? (Sorry, I’m a dork)
On a more serious note, you definitely deserve this break and the good feelings that come with it. Enjoy! 🙂
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Aye, the sea be a wild mistress, and I… like whales and stuff… I haven’t read Moby Dick.
Thank you! I’m already quite enjoying myself, and we’re still just on the road
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How dare you. lol You need to fix this some day. 😀
And nice! Sometimes just the act of leaving the house and being on the way already helps.
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I could weaponize the outrage people feel over things I haven’t read or seen. I’m the least cultured English teacher around. I did read a lot of French Romantic lit though, but I didn’t get too into anything else
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I get outraged about a lot of dumb things for like 5 seconds, you could use me if you’re really quick. 😀 And I’m one of those people who go ‘ooooh, there are words here, gimme’, so I’m hardly an example for anyone.
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I used to be all over any book I could find, but my joyful whimsy for books has been replaced by a hyper critical curmudgeon. Still, I’m reading sone things I’m very much enjoying now
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Nice! Will we hear about them in the future? I may need more books to put on my list… as soon as I find the end, it was around the block last time I checked. 😀
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hmmm maybe… we’ll have to see how much of my weird I’m willing to give to the internet
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You know we want all of it,right? You have a lovely brand of weird.
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But… there’s just so much. At some point, it has to be more than anyone needs to know
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I’m not sure. I can be pretty creepy. CURIOUS! I meant curious. Of course.
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Ha! I’ll get around to giving out the rest of whatever weird I’ve got left. We’ll see how much I can say before people stop reading
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I’m pretty sure there will always be someone around to read. That is, until the inevitable demise of the human race. 😀
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Oh golly, they shouldn’t do that. I never really planned for the blog to go this long
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What? Do you mean you won’t write until your laptop or phone is pried away from your cold, dead hands? I’m shocked.
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Oh I’m definitely going to do that. But it might not be here. We’ll see. I’ll probably let everybody know if I’m taking a break to work on a big project. Books sound fun now that I’m not being graded for one
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