If you’ve been on the internet for longer than 20 minutes, then you’re likely aware of clickbait ads for articles that say little more than the bait they used to pull you in: “The Internet is Freaking Out over This Mindblowing Textbook Cover,” “Mind-Blowing But True Things Science Just Found Out,” “12 Mind-Blowing Stats Everyone …
An Aggressive Guide to Cooking for One: Steam Some Veggies Like an Adult
You’re on your own, and that’s fucking fine. This isn’t a step-by-step guide, but step one is to scream into a pillow “I’m doing fine” until you, your pillow, and your neighbors believe it with the same level of certainty that’s normally reserved for racists and children who have just learned to lie. You’re fine, …
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How to Survive an Encounter with the dragon Baelyxxterrix, the Bully
By an unfortunate chain of events--your entire life--you have found yourself in proximity to the legendary eggshell-white dragon Baelyxxterrix, the Bully, bane of dinner parties, the mean dragon at recess, the relentless asshole of dragon social circles. Though your fortune looks bleak, with some wit and this guide, you may just live long enough to …
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A Brief, Irrational Rant About a Bird
Do you see this chubby, dead-eyed tuberculotic mongrel-thing. This is some kind of sparrow, and it spends its day divided equally between spitting virulent phlegm at my window, screaming, and releasing heinous jets of diseased filth from whatever orifice into which it doesn’t shovel stolen food. This compact ball of ill-intent and oily feathers moves …
3 Things You Can do When You’re Bored at Work That’ll Make Your Boss Say “You’re Fired.”
Who among us--after hours with nothing but productivity to occupy our time--hasn’t hung their head in frustration and whispered to the pitiless office gods “I’m bored, so very bored.” And who answers your desperate prayers; who notices how you long for something new: nobody. You alone can cure your boredom. So take your head out …
