Mostly Adequate!
I remember being young and full of zest and zeal, being so relentlessly alive that I couldn’t help but leave some noise in my wake. I remember running in the grocery store, loudly whining if my parents tricked me into going to church, playing Snake on my mom’s phone at the movies, yelling at the …
Continue reading "To the People Who Make Phone Calls in the Library"
For most of my life, I’ve tried to use subtle nonverbal cues to convince the people around me I am actually a snake-wrapped velociraptor dressed that dresses poorly. I like to think I’ve perfected the body language that says to anyone looking at me “I am an actual murderer with no less than 4 machetes …
2016 is over as of a few hours ago, and it was a doozy of a year. A bunch of people died, some other stuff happened, we elected a failed businessman to be President of the United States, and some other terrible stuff probably happened. It was a rough year, but 2017 doesn’t have …
I’ve done a lot of practical research on the matter and determined that there are exactly 5 stages of a hangover, and god damn I hate all of them and everything else breathing after what I went through this morning. Here they are. Also, I need like 60 Tylenol and a gallon of water so …
Last Thursday was my last day teaching a herd of 22 intrepid youths, and because of them I am forced to say the stereotypical teacher thing: I learned more from them than they probably learned from me. Here are the lessons my young people taught me. I will growl at a motherfucker I reminisce about …
