I am a Marshmallow Baby, and This is My Tale

Through a series of bad decisions which my future biographer will refer to as “Undergraduate Career and Caffeine Addiction,” I don’t really drink coffee anymore. As a consequence, I’ve gone from having the caffeine tolerance of a cross-country trucker to that of a tiny marshmallow baby. I am sweet, puffy, and also like marshmallows, but …

I Can’t Stop Embarrassing Myself in Front of my Students

I’ve never told anyone this, but if Barack Obama and I hug, the resulting explosion could destroy the entire Western hemisphere. When that much cool directly encounters my near limitless anti-cool, the results can be catastrophic. If I even spend too much time letting my eyes ski down those magnificent cheekbones, there’s risk of a …

Loud People Visiting Schools and a Brief Discussion of Birds

The three-wattled bellbird has a call audible to humans up to half a mile away; it lives primarily in Central America, and from the base of its beak protrude three long worm-like tendrils. Most, if given the choice, do not surround themselves with three-wattled bellbirds in part because they are very secretive, and in part, …